Can somebody please tell me when this started? I’m at the gas station paying for my gas, right? I give the girl my money and instead of giving me my change, she sticks it in the community jar. You know that jar that everybody can use if they don’t have the pennies to pay? Hey, I don’t mind pitching a penny for some schmuck that doesn’t have enough change in his pocket for that all important pack of cigarettes, but I want to be the one to put it there. I was like, “Hey, what gives?”
By now there’s a line of people and I didn’t want them to think I was just some cheap, stuck-up patron not willing to help out my fellow man (I think that’s what they’re counting on). They figure you’re not going to gripe about one measly little penny.
It’s the same thing with those gift cards. You buy whatever it is you’re gonna get with it, then whatever’s left on the card is too small to buy something else. It’s usually like twelve cents. (I don’t need to mention when I was a kid you could buy candy for twelve cents but it’s true). They know you can’t really buy anything with that so what can you do but throw the card away? Suddenly that department store is twelve million dollars richer thanks to you and all the thousands of other customers who threw away twelve cents.
Everywhere you go now people are just bumming money – all in the name of donations. They’ll ask you at the register now too. “Would you like to donate to the ‘Relief for Immigrants Opening Restaurants in America’ fund?” “ Heck no! Gimme my penny! “ If a guy wants money for his restaurant, let him ask the U.N. for a loan.
Yesterday I went back to the same gas station. When I got to the counter, the same gal said, “That’ll be fifteen dollars for gas on pump two.” I just winked and said, “Get it from the jar.”
*from the book "Your Face Will Freeze Like That' and other stuff mom told us"