I'm Tony, 37 years old, living in EU, middle Europe.
I've decided to share my feelings and emotions reflecting some recent events of my life.
As the title says, I'm alone and feeling so desperate.
Why? Well, because I have to fight hard through everything life brigs along and all this on my own, without any support.
Some people get married, have children, build a house and live their happy lives.
This was my dream too; the image of my own happy family kept me alive so many years in orphanages during my childhood. I don't want to think of those times when I was beaten, bullied and hungry all the time. Despite that, I kept dreaming of nice future and I was nearly there when I grew older, nearly as happy as imagined.
When I was 23 I married a beautiful woman, had a wonderful daughter a year later and a good job too. Our common dream was having a small house, but our income in my country wasn't enough to achieve that. So we decided to go to the UK towards a brighter future. The mission was simple. Go there, earn enough money for the house and return back to build it. We worked hard, often many month without a single free weekend and tried to save as much as possible only to make our dream come true. After 8 years abroad, we decided to come back to our country and start building our dream house. Small one, but our own. Eventually, we moved in after 2 years and enjoyed it so much. Money we had wasn't enough so we had to borrow some more from a bank. But finally there, all so happy in our new house. Wasn't completely finished from outside, but we could live inside without any problems.
We thought and hoped that this nice time is going to last forever. But everything nice lasts only for short time. Unfortunately.
I don't even know how it happened, but it happened. My wife and my daughter left me. They went back to the UK, where my wife had a secret relationship and I was so stupid I didn't notice anything. It all started when we lived and worked there. I was working so much that time and had so little time for my family that I couldn't notice. In the end he (her boyfriend) managed to convince her to come back to him. What makes things even worse is the fact that she took my daughter with her. Daughter was actually glad, because she had so many friends at school in the UK. She missed that country and her friends a lot. That was the beginning of my end.
Since then, everything has fallen apart. We got divorced few months ago, our house is sold and all the money is gone. I spent what left for me on travelling to the UK to see my daughter and try to get my wife back. I was buying expensive presents for them, pretending that I have a new job with much better income and was naive enough to believe that I can have them back. I was wrong. They are happy with their new living, often going for holidays and travelling a lot as that guy is a rich asshole who can give them everything they think of.
Now I live with my adoptive parents, they're old and ill, barely able to take care of themselves. Mother is weak and diagnosed with many illnesses, father diagnosed with lung cancer. So in addition to my misery I also need to help them to have a dignified life. My heart is broken, my hope in better life is gone and I know for sure I will never be again the man I used to be before. Strong, confident and a big dreamer. Loving another woman is impossible now, this kind of filling was killed forever after the disappointment I experienced.
My health condition is far from good, but despite all this I want to live and fight. I want to be useful and find my purpose on this planet. I'm not giving up despite the fact that sometimes I feel like there's no way out of this. Like only death can unbind me from suffering. Despite all this I'm working hard on construction sites, for very low income, but better than nothing. All the money I earn is spent on wellbeing of my adoptiv parents because they deserve it. My childhood was bad but they did their best for me. Also trying to safe some small change for my daughter's birthday present whenever it's possible.
I realise how selfish I was before, when I was chasing my dreams. I neglected my parents during all those years, lost my friends while abroad, and all this for nothing. Because that's what I have now. Absolutely nothing. Empty soul and empty pockets.
I know I can't fight this on my own any longer. If I want to move forward and get over it I'm going to need some support. Help and support, both mental and material is so much needed right now.
I know it, that's why I decided to share my life story with you guys. I need your help, I beg for it. Don't let me suffer like this anymore. If you can help with a good advice, encouraging words or anything that helped you in similar situation it will be so highly appreciated. I'm not asking you for donations, for money, because I know how much you need it for your own families. But if you can spare some things that you don't use anymore and still can be useful for me, either for using them or selling them to get a little cash, please support me this way too. I have my dignity and pride, at least I used to have, and never thought I'll be asking unknown people for help. But circumstances made me do so and I'm not proud of it at all.
One day, when I manage to get out of this deep agony I will do some social job, helping other people in need. Because I fully realised how much help and support some people need. So dear readers, If there is a way you can help me, please do so. In return I will share that little I get with other people in need and try all my best to stand back on my feet again, proud, strong and grateful to those who helped me. And maybe, just maybe, my daughter will be proud of me too one day, I wish this so much. Million thanks in advance.
P.S: You can contact me by email: firstname.lastname@example.org
1. Thank you so much Jim and Cloe (London) for financial support provided. The money was put to good use. I bought new bed to my parents, because the one they had was to hard and too damaged after many years of use. The rest of money were spent on medical needs for them and also for myself as my back hurts pretty bad these days. God bless you guys. Thank you.
2. Big thank you to Susan, Sarah and Lisa (London) for their joint parcel. It arrived yesterday and I'm so happy for the clothes and other things in there. Thank you so much guys, you make me feel so proud of British people for your generosity. Most of the clothes fit us well, the smaller size will be given to a poor family in my neighbourhood (hope you don't mind). As for the wristwatch, mobile phone amd others, I'll sell those to get some cash for buying more vital things. I love the indian statue, I'll keep that as reminder of you ladies. And of course I'll pass the message to my daughter. Thank you again a lot.
3. Mesage for David from Wigan: I cannot reach you on provided email address. But the answer is yes, I can set a Paypal account; it is actually a good idea. Please contact me again. This is the Paypal address: email@example.com .
4. Big thanks to Melanie from Lancaster, US. I'm thinking about sharing half of the funds with poor family I mentioned above. It was such a nice feeling when I gave them some clothes before and saw that happiness and gratefulness (same feeling I have now thanks to you). Just great. You know, Christmas is on the way so some cash will help them a lot. The rest will be used for my daughter's Christmas gift. Something small to send her by post and make her happy. Thank you again.
5. Father's recent results from hospital are not good, so we are really worried and scared now. Thanks a lot to all who write me encouraging emails. It means so much to me. Your support is fantastic.
6. Thank you very much to Fred from Belgium who shares some inspiring ideas with me and also for his support and friendly words. You're a good guy mate. Thanks for that.