I’ve had a wonderful and blessed life, despite going through tough times.
I was raised in an amazing place around amazing people, the true utopia. Until I turned 12, I don’t remember me crying. I was never in difficulty. I had a perfect childhood. The star student in my school, the girl who was the best at everything. Dancing, singing, sports, what not. I never knew what sorrow, loneliness, or change felt like. But when I turned 12, everything drastically changed.
What happened? I was in a situation to move out of this perfect utopia to face the true world.
Is change bad? Never. Even bad changes carry a lesson. But for a person who was extremely ignorant and almost a teenager, like I was, being put in a different country, alone, is the last thing in the want to experience list. The change I had to go through + teen years all together drove me crazy.
What are the changes anyway?
I loved my home country (India), very much. Everyone I knew lived there, in the utopia (in my assumption). I knew nothing about the true values of the world. I knew nothing (you won’t even believe how ignorant I was). The other big reason is the bonding. I had very close friends and family members. When I left, I vowed to myself that after I finish my studies, I would come back to my home and do something to help other people. This determination and bonding is good, but it prevented me from adapting and enjoying the present place and time. I just had to let go and relax, which I struggled with.
Even though I had no difficulty with the academics, language and several other diplomatic things in the new place, I just couldn’t accept many of the experiences I had, and the people I met. My attitude worked against me. I was not capable of gaining close friends, I had to isolate myself. I was unable to control my emotions, which eventually lead to loneliness. During the years of stress and craziness, I made progress. Little by little, I understood that I really didn’t need to stress about the past and the present, if I’m going to go back anyway (believe it or not, it took me so much time to understand this… all my ‘ignorance’). I learned about the moral values and the truly important things in life. At this time, I was able to build a character for myself.
Even though I have learned and experienced so much, I feel that it is impossible to obtain my old, cheerful, innocent self again. I can just never quite feel the true happiness again. Sometimes I think about what I value most. Do I really value the knowledge over my true self and happiness? I wished I could go back. It took me years of time to truly accept my new self and move away from my past. All of this took me 4 years. It has been 4 years since I left my home country.
Changes often do not hurt a person, but the inability to accept the change is the true culprit.
The true happiness and meaning of life is to learn and experience. It can show you a different world, perhaps another utopia :)