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My Life, My Story, My Pain
1580 VIEWS   +   8 UP VOTES Vote Up   -   0 DOWN VOTES Vote Down   +   8 COMMENTS Comments   =   1620 HEAT INDEX What is Heat Index?
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 I am sorry if this is not perfect but this is my first time blogging and I just want to try it out, so please bare with me.

   Lets start at the day I was born, July 19. When I was born my parents was in the middle of a divorce. In fact  my mom soon found out that her divorce papers were final on the day that I was born. My parents already had one child together, his name in Danny, my father had another child in a pervious marriage and her name is Heather. After I was born my father decided that it would be best if he wasn't in my mom or my and my brothers lives anymore and in the middle of the night packed up his belongings and just left. ( oh yeah even though my parents were divorced  they still lived with each other because they still had two small children). As my brother and my got older my mom was not doing very well she moved in with a man who was very mean to her. He lead her to start doing drugs, at first he was just doing drugs around her and then he started forcing her to do them with her. She did end up leaving him that was not the end of her struggle. When she left him she moved us to a little one bed room apartment but continued to do drugs more drugs and stronger drugs. Well one day I will never forget, this man came in to the house and told me and my brother that we had to go with him that we were going to go live with someone else who can love us and take care of us properly. So we went with this man and after  few days went by we actually ended up just living with my moms parents my grandparents. I thought every thing was going to get a lot better but I was wrong this was only the beginning of a very long journey. after about a year of living with my grand parents they brought the same man back to have a talk with us 9 I found out it was the cps workers). The man was actually nicer then I had remembered him, but at the end of the meeting we had come to the conclusion that my mom would have a year to get clean and get a job and a proper house to live in or she would nevre get her children back. after about a month passed she did just that, it took her a while to get away from the bad people so my grandparents let her move in to our house, and because she did that we got to stay with her and my gradparents. She lived with us for about two years. and then decided it was time to move out on her own.  I loved my mom and I wanted to go with her and my grandparents let me , now my brother he didn't want to move so he stayed with them( I wish they would had made me stay to if only I knew what was headed for me in the future.) Well my mom and I lived in the apartment for maybe a year until she meet this guy an decided that we sould all be a family and live together. This man was jerk! only three months in to the livng together there we were moving again. This time I had to move school this was the first time I had ever moved schools I was super scared. In this part of my life it just becomes very repetitive so i am going to sum up the next year and a half. I moved 6 school and countless number of houses and moms boyfriends. Well at a school I was going to I met this guy at first he was so sweet and romantic and then after about a year of dating he became mean with his words and then it became very physical, so physical that one day he got mad at me and threw me up aginst the wall and broke two dics in the lower part of my spine. I finally left him I am sad to say not for very long. I was in love with him so I thought and when he apologized  like any stupid girl  I ran back to him but this time nothing had changed only got worse. He had a job that moved him a round a lot so he got move to a town about three hours away from where I lived, one weekend he came to get me so I could go stay with him. I was supposed to be back home that Sunday but he didn't being me home until Tuesday and when he finally took me home my mother was with this new guy and I had already met him and did not like home and he told her that she had to choose between living with him or living with me and what dose she do she told me to pack my stuff an to get out told me I was the worst child anyone could ever have and that I am a disappointment to her and never wants to talk to me again. So I called my grandparents to come and pick me up at three o'clock in the morning. I currently still living my grandparents but things aren't the best. My grandma is verbally abusive to me and she near thinks I am good enough I will turn out just like my mom , oh yeah she is and has been on drugs for about 7ish years now I barely speak to her and when I do see her it never goes well she has stole 30 dollars out of my purse she usually tells me how much I ruined her life and juts what a horrible person I am. I met this guy at a church I  stated attending. I have been going to this church for about four years now. one day this guy showed up for the Wednesday youth group and at that moment I fell deeply in love with him , after that moment I did everything I could for him to talk to me and now we are still madly in love and have been dating for 9 months now, but our relationship hasn't always been the best and most happy. When we first started dating I got pregnant and after only 17 weeks a had a miscarriage and soon found out that I many never be able to have children because my ovaries are twisted. He still loves me despite that ,I still cant understand why I would be blessed with a baby just to have it taken away from me and my boyfriend. Life has been hard for me but it has also be very wonderful. Throughout all of my pain I have learned that no matter what hard time you may face there will always be happiness at the end of the road. I will not always be happy and I will not always be sad but one thing I cant fix is that when I am ready to change and not feel the pain that had came into my life I do that .I love to smile and to laugh. if anyone out there reads this just get one things from my story that no matter what you can be happy no matter what anyone in this world say or dose to you always change the situation to the way you want it to turn out.

                                            Sincerely Nikki 

 

Comments:
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  .   Deleted User
i hope that you get what you desire and stay happy i read your blog and really it is true a woman is more stronger than she looks and you are example of it.
  .   Leslie Lee
Nikki I fully understand your plight. I was rasied by my mother and a Drunk.His favorite past time was verbal abuse and phisycal abuse. I was his favorite punching bag, slapped my mother around, raped one of my sisters, tried to rape my other sister but I was old enought then t know what was happening. I hit him in the back of the head with a toy baseball bat anme an my sister ran down the street to the landlords house which kept us till our mother came home. I didn`t know that my sister had called some friends in a small town 30 miles from us they were there before mother got home an took her to thier house from which I never seen her again till I was in the militarythe abuse only got worse. I learned a valuable lession from all that an the miolitary thank God put me on a diffrent road. I swore on my life I would never abuse a woman a child inmy life. Now for the rest of the story. Today I`m 66 an have never hit a woman or child. So see Nikki its the road you chose to go down an how you want to turn out. One last thing I lost my wife after forty years of marrige she never new what it was like to be abused An god willing the person that finds me I`m looking for the next forty
  .   Dixie Sister
Hello Nikki, my name is Dixie. I know exactly what it's like for your mom to choose a man over you. It happened to me too. Many points of your story is like my life. I'm 42 yrs old and am still processing all the things that's happened in my life. I hate that you can not have children even though it sounds like you want them very much. I will tell you tho that everything happens for a reason. You now know what a bad mom is and you can work at being the best mom you can. ADOPT... There are so many children out there who need good homes. Children who like you got a bad mom and dad and need someone who will understand what they are going through. If you would like someone to talk to that has gone through some of the stuff you have, then drop me an email sometime. I write you back as soon as I can. God Bless, Dixie
  .   Jessica Ellis
I am new at this, and I have quite started my blog quite yet just looking at others to get and insight on how to start mine. Yours was very touching, being strong is always a good thing even though sometimes it can be hard, for I know the feeling.
  .   Lory Stromberg
I wish the best for you and your boyfriend. You are a very strong woman.
 
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