Did you know that private wedding vows have become very popular? (Note: The public exchange that legalizes the marriage is still required.)
According to Knot, a premier wedding planning resource, there are several reasons for private vows:
- Shyness or dislike of being "front and center"
- Desire to speak in one's native language
- Don't want to censor thoughts or words
- Desire for a totally personal and quiet moment before all the "hullabaloo" starts
I also think it's a good idea to mention marriage expectations, realistic ones that can and will serve as a solid blueprint (I've personally never liked the traditional vows; there's a creepiness to them and it doesn't favor women, in my humble opinion).
The expectations don't necessarily have to be part of the vows, but I do think it's very important to have a real heart-to-heart talk about what the two parties involved want or would like to occur. To be honest, this could result in canceling the marriage, but it may be better than being or feeling trapped in one, looking for any way out.
Are one or both of you seeking some (or total) financial security?
Do you both really want children? Or is one really "on the fence" about it?
Does one of you really hate the other's relatives?
Do you both have compatible sex drives?
Are you both truly capable of dealing with having to look at and deal with the day-to-day presence of each other?
You may laugh, but I truly believe these have to be taken into consideration; romantic love will only go so far.
Sources: "A push for private wedding vows-Metro Creative, Wedding Planner, Vindicator supplement-Friday, Jan.17,2020, and my personal thoughts